New Study Shows that Vaccines Cause Atheism

Vaccines can also lead to drug abuse.

A scientific study by the University of Nebraska has shown a link between vaccines and atheism. It has shown that nearly all of today's atheists were vaccinated as children. More proof of this is also that many atheists are pro-vaccination, which can only mean that they secretly know the power of vaccinations to cause people to not believe in God. These new findings have led to more parents deciding not to give their children vaccinations. One concerned parents met with us earlier for an interview. The parent, Jethro Higginbottom, said, "I don't want my kids to lose their faith in Christ just because of a vaccine that might prevent measles. I had measles when I was a kid and I'm still here. And more importantly I still believe in Jesus." Higginbottom says he plans to sue any doctor that suggests his kids be vaccinated.

McDonald's to Change Logo for Gay Rights

The McDonald's Corporation released a new ad campaign on Tuesday that promotes the gay agenda. The new logo will feature rainbow arches instead of the classic golden arches. In an effort to counteract this campaign, conservative Christian group Fast Food for Christ has issued a statement urging its members and followers to boycott McDonald's. President of Fast Food for Christ, Phil Mystomic, said in an earlier interview that he hopes Christians will answer this call to action. "There are alternatives to McDonald's, for those who are afraid to join this effort. Chik-Fil-A, for example, is a very delicious and wholesome Christian alternative to the corrupt McDonald's Corporation," Mystomic said.

Protesters gather outside a local McDonald's

Walmart Could Receive Huge Tax Breaks in 2016

Millions gather to protest proposed tax breaks

Walmart Stores, Inc. could be receiving huge tax breaks in 2016 as a result of a new bill being proposed that gives incentives to corporations and companies who have many employees on welfare. The hopes of the bill are to give tax breaks where they are really needed. A proponent of the bill, Dean Foray (R-TX), says that this will really help "people" like Walmart to have extra money to give raises to their impoverished staff. "The economic climate caused by President Obama has cause a lot of people to have to go on welfare. This new tax bill will help cut costs where it really matters, for large corporations that employ the majority of Americans living in poverty," Foray said in an earlier interview.

It has been said by some opponents that this new bill is focused on the wrong solution. There is no condition in the tax break that says corporations have to give their employees raises, they simply must have at least 28% of their staff currently living on welfare. Although no actual numbers have been released, Walmart Stores, Inc. has met and probably exceeded this criterion. Some others have said that this actually encourages corporations to keep more of their employees on welfare, but that's just ridiculous. No corporation could ever be that heartless. They're people, just like us.

Government Cracking Down on Plastic Bag Usage

Reports were made earlier today that a 23-year-old Oklahoma man was arrested for using a plastic bag at a grocery store. Sources say he will be put on trial in a court of law in the coming months, looking at a possible conviction and leading to a probable sentence of life in prison or death by lethal injection.

A spokesperson for the Oklahoma state governor's office said that this is just the first of many arrests that will be made in an effort to crack down on irresponsible plastic bag usage. At this time it is not unlawful for a grocery store to offer plastic bags, as that would infringe on the individual human rights of corporations, however it is most certainly illegal to accept plastic bags and anyone caught doing so will face serious charges.

When asked about the fairness of these laws, the spokesperson said that it would be better for offenders to be executed than for them to continue living and using plastic bags. "Bodies decompose far quicker than plastic bags do. It's just the right environmental choice to make," the spokesperson said. They made no comment when questioned about grocery stores still being allowed to offer plastic bags to their customers.